please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
