theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
