i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
