So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
