Me. At least after what I've been through.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
