you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
