this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
