it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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