There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
