shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
