It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
