Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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