Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
