I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
