I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
