Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
