my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
