ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
