Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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