I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
