My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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