so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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