I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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