Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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