hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
