college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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