Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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