Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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