remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
