I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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