Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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