***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
