I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
