I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Buhtt sex?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
