Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
