the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
