the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
