Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
