Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
