I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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