i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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