If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
