We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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