i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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