My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
