Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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