The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
