I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
