Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
