If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
