Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just cropdusted the office
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize