it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
