Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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