My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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