He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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