You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
