I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
