im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
