Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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