You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
