just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
