can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
