oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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