I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
