if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
