you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
